Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
