Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
