I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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