Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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