I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
