i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
