i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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