My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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