i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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