just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
