So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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