For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
