so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
