Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
