i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
