How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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