Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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