left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
