I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
