he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
