Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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