just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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