i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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