Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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