Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
