Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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