Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
