It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
