LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
