You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
