She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
