you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
