i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
