cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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