Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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