make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
