I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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