I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
