Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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