next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
