So many bounce houses so little time
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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