I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
