did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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