we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
