I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
