Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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