I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
