Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
