No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
