I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
