when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
