My room smells like vodka and shame
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize