Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
