I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
