The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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