Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm always down for nudity.
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