"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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