NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
