just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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