i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
