hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
