hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I supernannyed him into submission
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize