see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
