does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You are the jesus of drinking
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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