I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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