In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Randomize
