3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
