Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
