is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
