1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
