very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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