Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
