she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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