I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
