ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
a search helicopter?!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
